Monday, November 14, 2005

How dos, how comes and whys

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Vicodin is some pretty amazing stuff. It does a pretty good job of taking the pain away, and it also helps you to ask some non-typical questions. It's not mind-altering, by any stretch. I know this. I've done mind-altering drugs, and so I know what the real stuff can do to you. But it does relax you enough to allow some really pointless thoughts to drift aimlessly in and out of the your mind. Or maybe it wasn't the vicodin at all. Maybe it's because I haven't had to do anything except change the channel for the past few days. Perhaps that's the reason these incredibly interesting, unusually wonderful thoughts have discharged themselves from my brain cells. Perhaps.

How come some animals get chosen to be crackers, and others get absolutely no recognition by the cracker/cookie world? I'm not just talking about the original circus box animal crackers, but also the newer series of animal crackers. Specifically, the big jar of animal crackers with an assortment of mutant animals. Half-camel, half-goat. Half-dog, half-hippo. Half-zebra, half-half-goose.

What lies ahead for the cast of Laguna Beach? They've already told the entire MTV viewing audience how they feel about each other. I can't imagine friendships will last through that kind of treatment. Their friends, family and viewing audience now know that they have been fucking each other like participants at a Roman Bath orgy...So, what's the next step for this crop of over-spoiled, too perfect, rich kids?

What's this season's must have toy? And will I have to fight some woman at the Wal-Mart to ensure that Ethan gets it? How many people will stand in line overnight for said toy, and how many of the kids that get the toy even know what the hell it is?

Why are skinny jeans the must-have clothing item this year? And suppose I want to continue wearing my boot cuts? I already wore skinny jeans for gosh sakes. I wore them in the late 80s. I didn't like them then. I don't like them now.

Where is Miss Joan from? And how did she get to the Wave Montessori school? What's the real story behind Miss Joan?

How come someone gets fired from my office whenever I'm off on a Friday? It must be some kind of a sign.

How come the traffic lady on the news (the in the helicopter riding over the accident she's report) is smiling while she's telling me that one person died at the scene, and they just airlifted someone from the multiple car wreckage?

Why does this description of the recent would-be female suicide bomber make me laugh hysterically? An innocent looking woman with a strap-on device.

How come the Red Ranger is always the coolest? No matter what Power Ranger series you're watching, he's always the one that has the best weapon and is the one that always does the best job beating evil.

How come my neighbor Cathy says stupid things like, "Ethan's peeing in the bush over there", just two minutes after Ethan walked over to me, and asked me if he could pee in the bush? And how come she says this after hearing me tell Ethan to go ahead and pee?

You think I've just had too much downtime this weekend? Or should I just blame it on the drugs?

dena at 5:55 PM



at 8:19 PM Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I love this post Dena...I don't know if it's the Vicodin or what..but I do know when you do not have a lot you have to do and are just recovering from a surgical priceedure abd you are watching the tube, many many questions arise that on the surface may seem trivial. But, consider this: About those bizarre half & half animals you mentioned...just reading your post made me wonder what idle mind thought that making hybrid animal crackers was an okay thing to do when some very wonderful animals have never had a cracker to call their own??? (Maybe I've had too much down-time that I am even involved in this question, but...)
Who us this Joan person you mentioned..I'm unfamiliar with her...

I don't watch Laguna Beach,(hope that's the right name) but they all sound like simpple-minded assholes, to me...And I think your question is well taken!

I could go on, but I won't. Pondering these things has worn me out. I think I'll go take a Vicodin and zone out..if it hopefully lets me do that! (lol)

Thanks for coming by my blog today...I agree with all that you said!

Oh, and I forgot to mention that neighbor...Where was her mind????

at 8:48 PM Blogger soapbox.SUPERSTAR said...

Miss Joan is from the hills of the great Mormon state of Utah, where she was one of 7 wives.

Yay for peeing in bushes, sometimes I have to do it too!

at 9:41 PM Blogger kenju said...

That description of the suicide bomber surely had me picturing something else!!

Jeans styles come and go; wear what you have and what you want. Screw the designers and stylists who say we HAVE to wear certain things this season. We should not be slaves to their rationale for conspicuous consumption!

at 9:44 PM Anonymous Deana said...

Are you off the Vicodin? Sounds like a fun trip but you might be in need of some fresh are going to overload your senses!

at 9:51 PM Anonymous Mayberry said...

Dang it's weird to post right after my sister. Not used to two of us being out here in the blogosphere.

I'm hearing Arsenio Hall right now. hmmmmmm

at 12:04 AM Blogger puremood said...

Good post - even if it is the medication! :) It was full of smiles :)

Hope you are recovering well and well, I'm not sure why animals are the ones... Hmm.

at 1:25 AM Blogger Lucy Stern said...

One Vicodin at a time my dear..

at 6:12 AM Blogger The Mistress of the Dark said...

Makes me think I might want to borrow some of your meds!

at 10:36 AM Blogger Dirk the Feeble said...

Next time someone points out that your child is peeing in the bushes, you should either ask them what the fuck they're doing watching your kid pee and are they some kind of sick kiddie snuff filmmaker, or else ask them how your child is doing distance-wise with that whole peeing thing.

at 11:34 AM Blogger markus said...

alas, skinny jeans will make a comback every 15 yrs. like clockwork.

at 1:17 PM Blogger Dave said...

OMG, google is so gonna latch onto that "An innocent looking woman with a strap-on device."

Oops there it is again. I hope people searching for that aren't too terribly dissapointed!!

at 4:25 PM Blogger Chatty said...

You heard that Tallan was in the car with Paris Hilton the night the Bently crashed into the truck when they were chased by the cameras? He can be heard saying, "I am the only sober one here." Nice.

at 8:19 PM Anonymous mercuryfern said...

My mom does her best painting on post-op pain killers.

My brother, otoh, was fond of peeing in front of our neighbor’s dining room bay window when he was Ethan’s age. Facing them. While they were eating.

at 9:39 PM Blogger Nadine said...

Oh my god, you mentioned Laguna Beach. Do you realize how disgustingly ADDICTED I am to that friggin' show? I am so upset that they are replacing the entire cast. What the hell am I gonna do?

at 1:28 AM Blogger novaks8 said...

My daughter was in tears watching Laguna Beach.
She wore her Laguna Beach shirt to school on Monday in honor of the show.

She is SO addicted.


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