Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Awwwwww shit...

We used to have this IT guy at work. Using the word strange to describe him would be an understatement.

Among other things, he was repeatedly late for work. One morning he called in to inform us that he would be at least one half hour late. It seems he had forgotten that it was Monday, and had found himself headed toward another city, in the opposite direction of the office. In addition to the exceptional brain power, he had one other very distinguishing trait. He always smelled - smelled like he was walking around with a load of crap in his briefs. I know he wore briefs because whenever he was under my desk, working on my machine, I would catch a view of the BVDs, size MED 32-34, to be exact. Eventually I was smart enough to rid myself of the approaching dry heaves and would quickly leave the moment he entered my office.

One day Smelly Pants came into my office, and the odor was particularly strong. When he turned around, I noticed he had shit on his pants. Not in his pants, ON his pants. I told him, “Rick, you’ve got shit on your pants.” And his response was, “Shut up Dena,” in that whiny, nasal voice he used when he was trying to sound like he knew what was going on. I decided to try and convince him again, “Rick, you seriously have an actual pile of shit on your pants. It looks like you sat in a pile of dog shit.” He left my office, walked to the bathroom and returned a few minutes later. Returned, with the shit still on his pants!

Rick also had a problem with his eyes, which might explain his difficulty with locating the brown shit on the butt of his very hip, very 80’s black denims which by the way, he wore every freakin’ day. But I don’t believe he had an olfactory problem of any sort. I think he just liked the fact that women in our office spent the entire day staring at his ass, and smiling. Of course, the minute he made it down the hall the smiles turned to giggles, and then hysterical laughter. Thank God for e-mail as a means to quickly alert friends to office gossip.

dena at 2:02 PM

12comments

12 Comments

at 3:15 PM soapbox.SUPERSTAR said...: OMG-I am laughing so hard right now. He was so disgusting. I can see him coming out if his office, coming around that corner and five seconds later his eyes come out. Uggghhh! A little throw up came up in my mouth.
at 3:16 PM soapbox.SUPERSTAR said...: Didn't he look like someone who should have been on the sex offender registry? Him and his girlfriend from the bowling alley.
at 4:36 PM Chatty said...: OMG...I think I am going to puke. Maybe he was so full of shit he was leaking?
at 4:54 PM OldLady Of The Hills said...: Really Really Gross! Do you think he is really unaware about the shit or....or is he just nuts!?@!#?
at 10:32 PM Kimberly said...: OMG!! That is so freaking gross...

Happy Birthday sweet stuff. I'm sending you good vibes this week. Be well:)
at 11:37 PM buffi said...: Ummmm, ew?! How did you stand that? Geek Squad indeed!
at 6:17 AM Anonymous said...: This guy and the Bagel Snatcher are one of a kind. Set them on a date, maybe they will take off for good and leave you happy behind. There's something about your office,I still have to figure that out. Have a good day!
at 6:30 AM The Mistress of the Dark said...: Two words: Oh Lordy!
at 7:50 AM Aginoth said...: ewwwwwwww

ROTFLMAO
at 10:09 AM Anonymous said...: Misty that is funny is it the same dork from COC? I was the thinking the same thing as I was reading the post. You are guys are just alike when it comes to your sense of humor.......
VERY SCARY! Have a great day!

You guys keep me rollin.
at 7:00 AM Anonymous said...: This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
at 7:03 AM Anonymous said...: Forgot to put the header in!

This seems very appropriate for this chap.........

A man gets blind drunk one night and pukes all down his shirt, "Oh, no!",
he cries, "My wife is gonna kill me!". "Don't worry!", said his mate, "Just
tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell her that someone threw up on
you and gave you twenty quid for the dry cleaning bill."

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even more drunk.
Eventually, he gets home and his wife starts to dish out some nag pie. "You
absolutely reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! (etc)

Speaking very carefully, so as not to slur, he says, "Nowainaminit, I can
e'shplain everythin! Itsh snot wha joo think, I only had a cupla dwinks. But
thiss other guy got ssick all over me... he had one too many and he juss
couldin hold hizz booze. He said he was verrry sorry an' gave me a twennie
for the cleaning bill!" in here!?."

His wife looks in his breast pocket and says, "But there's forty quid in
here!?."

"Oh, yeah...I almos' fergot, he shhhat in my pants, too."

About

Joyously roaming through life. Meeting its topographical challenges, and facing each with a sarcastic wit, and an impetuous need to face even more bumps, dips, pits and peaks. How the hell else did I end up with a 22 year old, a 20 year old and a 4 year old?